Nia FischerSunday, September 17, 2023 Writing a DESO Script Choose a specific situation in your own life in which you would like to request a change or a favor of some kind.Come up with the DESO script to deal with it. Who is involved?Myself and my husband Nathan. Situation: The house is still moderately cluttered, and tasks are left undone because I have been sick and dealing with back pain. Now write down the actual statements you could make for each stage: Describe: "I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. I asked if you could help me by doing the laundry and cleaning up the kitchen and living room. You told me you would take care of that for me. However, those areas are in the same condition as before." Express:"I feel overwhelmed when the house is overly cluttered, and I am unable to fix it on my own. When I try to clean up as much as I can in a moment, my back starts to hurt within 20-25 minutes, and by then, I am in too much pain to continue the work at all for a couple of hours." Specify: "I need you to help me clean up as we go in the house so the work can seem less mountainous, and our home can feel spacious and calm again. I need help with the tasks that include bending and lifting anything over 20 lbs." Outcome: "If we take the time to clean as we go now, then we will visually see more space in the house, and we will feel way much less stress on our shoulders. Once we have the house clean, it will be much easier to maintain moving forward." My Reflection: Open and honest communication is pivotal to maintaining a healthy and thriving connection in any relationship. I tried to keep this in mind, regardless of knowing that my pain limits the type of chores I complete and how I complete them. I had finally reached a point where I needed to talk to my husband about my unmet needs. I have an MRI on Thursday, September 21st, and the
Nia FischerSunday, September 17, 2023 only saving grace I had leading up to that day was a muscle relaxer to take as needed. I planned to address my unmet needs with empathy and understanding. I identified and understood my needs and emotions, ensuring I could voice them to him. In my mind, I had to balance my pain and limitations with the fact that Nathan works 10-hour shifts 5 to 6 days a week to ensure that I was not making one seem more of a challenge than the other.It was also hard to choose an appropriate time when we were both relaxed and open to discussing important matters like this because he works from 3 p.m.-1 a.m. To avoid blame or criticism, I used "I" statements to express how his actions made me feel rather than laying blame solely on him. Recognizing the importance of effective communication, I planned to actively listen to my husband's response and create a safe space for him to express his feelings. While practicing what I wanted to say, I scripted the key points I wished to convey without sounding aggressive. I focused on using positive language to express my feelings and needs, considering how my words might impact my husband's feelings. Finally, the day came for me to initiate the conversation with my husband. I calmly approached him, ensuring that my tone was gentle and non-confrontational. I began with positive affirmations: "You are such a loving and wonderful husband," and "I appreciate the hard work you do at work every day," expressing my love and appreciation for him before addressing my concerns. I shared my unmet needs using "I" statements; "I feel overwhelmed when the house gets this cluttered," which allowed me to express my emotions without blaming him. I kept calm and composed, giving my husband space to respond without interruption. "I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. I asked if you could help me by doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen and living room. You told me you would take care of that for me. However, those areas are in the same condition as before. I feel overwhelmed when the house is cluttered, especially when I try to fix it alone. When I try to clean up as much as I can in a moment, my back starts to hurt within 20-25 minutes, and by then, I am in too much pain to continue the work for a couple of hours. Please help me clean up as we go in the house so the work can seem less mountainous and our home can feel spacious and calm again. I need help with the tasks that include bending and lifting anything over 20 lbs. If we take the time to clean as we go now, we will see more space in the house and feel less
Nia FischerSunday, September 17, 2023 stress on our shoulders. Once we have the house clean, it will be much easier to maintain moving forward." I cannot tell you how often I practiced this in the mirror. My husband listened attentively, demonstrating his willingness to understand my perspective. He acknowledged my feelings and expressed remorse for not realizing the impact his actions had on me. He further shared his struggles balancing being present and physically supportive at home and managing sleep for work. He also admitted his shortcomings in meeting my needs. Thankfully, he was not hurt by my words, nor did he feel I was blaming him for how I felt. The conversation proved to be a turning point in our relationship. Our open and honest dialogue deepened our understanding of each other's needs and priorities. We discussed possible solutions and compromises to ensure our needs are met. We both committed to taking the necessary steps to satisfy each other's needs, fostering a renewed sense of trust and intimacy. We laid the foundation for a stronger, more fulfilling relationship by addressing the issue head-on. This process of openly communicating my unmet needs taught me valuable lessons: 1. Clear, empathetic communication allows for understanding and growth within a relationship. 2. Understanding my needs and emotions enabled me to express them non-confrontationally. 3. I can validate his feelings and foster a safe space for open dialogue by actively listening to my husband's response. Initiating a conversation about unmet needs with my husband truly required careful planning, practice, and a conscious effort to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. The outcome was positive; we committed to addressing and meeting each other's needs, ensuring a stronger and more fulfilling relationship moving forward.
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